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"I've come here to get my mother's things out of this place... there was a portrait of her, have you seen it? Blonde woman, gray eyes, white dress...like an angel. There were papers too, handwritten... maybe they were letters. I need to find her family."
He stood and rested his hand on the boy's shoulder.
"You will help me."
the demon llama spoke
10:09 p.m. // Wednesday, October 10, 2001
It was several moments later that the child turned to the other man, tears still in the corners of his eyes, and spoke. His voice was much deeper and scratchy like he had been crying for many hours. He let his hands fall to his sides, his cheek still burning where the man had touched him
"Why do you laugh?" It was an innocent question. Now that you know... now that you can see, are you going to try and kill me today? "What are you going to do now?"
His tiny hands formed fists at his sides and began to violently shake as he dug his fingernails into his skin. He couldn't stand it. His Master-- and all this time, too! Was he ever a man, or had he lived as a human in that time, and then showed himself as deceased?
Or had his dignant Master been a murderer too, in his well lived life?
"What are you going to do, Lord Alexi? If your father-- my Master, if he hurt you so, why did you return to your place of childhood?"
the demon llama spoke
05:54 p.m. // Thursday, October 4, 2001
He turned the ring over in his fingers, over and over. It was a compulsive move, but it helped him remember--his mother's hands, so soft and smooth and cool, on his face, smoothing back his hair, dipping into a basin of water, lifting a cloth to clean whatever marks were on him this time, removing blood and the memory of pain...
There had been something about her touch. The cuts and bruises would stop hurting--not just for a while, they would be almost gone, just faint marks, only shadows of pain. She would wring out the cloth one last time and lean forward to kiss him, resting those gentle hands on his cheeks, and he would fall asleep, pulled to a place where everyone looked like his mother--men, women and children all with pale blonde hair and clear gray eyes like glass.
He would wake filled with memories of those quiet, beautiful people, longing to be like them. They had voices like the songs of the winds and moved softly, but with purpose, like beings aware of their strength but not wanting to harm even an insect. He would ask his mother about them. Where did they live? When would he be allowed to live with them? Why couldn't he stay with them longer? She would shake her head and kiss his forehead, and tell him that he was his father's child.
When she was alive, he never remembered the pain his father brought to him, but he hated him--hated him for being his father, hated him because it was his fault he was silver-haired instead of golden, hated him for the dark blue eyes that would always mark him as an alien among his mother's people.
It had taken years of living among normal people for him to realize that his mother's people and her healing touch were figments of his imagination, dreams born out of an childhood of isolation and abuse.
He turned the ring over one last time. His mother had worn it on a chain around her neck, but in his dreams, several of the men and women had worn matching rings on the first finger of their left hand. For a moment, he wished he could wear it like they had. It was too small for him to even wear on his fourth finger. He laughed then--a hard, cold sound--his hands were too ruined to ever wear jewelry.
He tucked the ring and the lock of hair into his shirt, and looked at the boy. His laughter had probably scared him.
What should I do about the boy?
The wing could not be real. It was just this place. Somehow this place brought out the delusional side of his mind. When he was away from here, everything was clearer and as it should be. It had to be something in the air here, maybe a gas released by something long decomposing in the rafters or spores from some exotic mold growing in the basement. It was a good thing that he was going to burn this place down.
He would just have to take the boy with him.
the demon llama spoke
09:21 a.m. // Tuesday, October 2, 2001
His stomach flipped and filled with a pain that he couldn't take back. He felt embarrassed and knew that his cheeks were tinted pink. This man's hand... so gentle, but it did not ease the pain rising into his throat.
And here I was the one to think that it was me, after all. I was the one in the wrong. Always wrong... never able to do anything right for him... and... he murdered his own wife! Gods be damned... perhaps I am weak, but my Master is a cruel fate. I am worse off than I thought, than I could ever think... foolish... How foolish I have been!
Kristof could not form words against his mouth. He only shook, not daring to look into the eyes of the other.
I let him touch me... let him! I almost enjoyed his caresses, because.. my lifeline was gone, and he'd be the only one to touch a fallen angel... and now, I want to hide... why did I enjoy such a cruel touch!?
the demon llama spoke
09:40 p.m. // Monday, October 1, 2001
With his thumb, he wiped the track of one tear from the boy's face.
"Yes, he did. ... Why does that disturb you so? It was well before your time, little one."
the demon llama spoke
01:34 p.m. // Monday, October 1, 2001
"K-killed?" By now, Kristof's face had paled two shades. He brushed his finger against the ribbon and gazed up at the taller man with a tremor in his heart. He felt like throwing up, but there was nothing inside he could throw up.
He took a small step away from the man, licking his lips. "He-- he killed her? Your mother? My master... my...." Shudders wound down his shoulders, making him freeze making the room feel so cold. He couldn't move. "Murdered your mother!?"
Just like he killed me... like he let me die slowly... drinking me... tasting me... taking everything precious from me.. my soul... my being... No wonder he is here. He is back here to claim what He took! Naze... Naze!? Why does he have to kill?! Did he not love her... or was he still then-- not capable of love?
Kristof's mouth was dry. He swallowed hard, trying to force the forming tears back in his eyes, but it wasn't working and they fell in two single strands down his cheeks.
the demon llama spoke
05:41 p.m. // Sunday, September 30, 2001
"I stole this from him. Stole it so there was a piece of her he would never have."
He rubbed his thumb over the ribbon, then let the boy touch it.
"He killed her, you know. I was eleven. I saw it, it was right here. He wanted me to see and then he took her away. I broke into his rooms that night and stole this. He caught me there... but in all he did, he never found out what I had done before he caught me."
the demon llama spoke
04:17 p.m. // Tuesday, September 25, 2001
Kristof looked from the lock of golden hair to Alexi, back to the lock of golden hair again. He could feel the tension rise between them in the moment of unbreakable silence.
"What... what may this be?" He spoke, blinking his eyes. Hair of someone, someone important to him. Was it his mother's hair? Or a sibling? Or perhaps even a lover?
Kristof took a step foward, reaching his frail hand out to touch the human hair, something he felt, was indeed precious to Alexi.
the demon llama spoke
12:08 p.m. // Tuesday, September 25, 2001
He lifted out a heavy gold band with a large square cut ruby, too heavy to be a fashionable ring for a woman, yet too small for a man to wear. "This belonged to her family.... and this..." The other object... a lock of long pale blonde hair tied with a black ribbon. "This..." He closed his eyes, unable to speak.
the demon llama spoke
09:11 a.m. // Friday, September 21, 2001
Kristof leaned over Alexi's shoulder, careful not to touch him. He gazed into the jewelry box with wonder and curiosity. "Master must have never known this was here. Is it yours?"
the demon llama spoke
09:10 a.m. // Friday, September 21, 2001
"Child, don't apologize." He unwrapped the cloth, revealing a small, cheap jewelry box of fabric-covered pasteboard. He opened it slowly, smiling. "It's still here and safe."
the demon llama spoke
09:09 a.m. // Friday, September 21, 2001
Shivering at the other man's touch, even through the soft fabric of the gloves, Kristof stared at him. A small pink tongue darted out to taste the salt, still lingering on his lips. "I... I'm sorry..." He hung his head in shame. He was a fool for crying. He glanced at the tiny package, then.
the demon llama spoke
09:07 a.m. // Friday, September 21, 2001
"You were." He knelt beside him and traced the tracks left by the tears with his gloved fingers. "Why were you crying?"
the demon llama spoke
09:07 a.m. // Friday, September 21, 2001
Gulping down hard, Kristof took a step forward. "No... no I wasn't!" He denied it because he wanted to look strong, but knew he was obviously just a weak child falling into the despair of a darkangel's body. "What-what is it?" he gestured towards the box, falling to his knees near Alexi and near the bedside.
the demon llama spoke
09:06 a.m. // Friday, September 21, 2001
He felt something. Yes... He pulled out a small object wrapped in a yellowed cloth. "At least this is safe." He held it tightly in hand like he would never let go of it again, then looked up, surprised at the boy. "You're crying."
the demon llama spoke
09:05 a.m. // Friday, September 21, 2001
Kristof stood back, warily, watching the other man in silence. His dark curls brushed against his pale cheeks. He looked so sickly, yet Kristof stood well. He nervously wiped the tears from his face.
the demon llama spoke
09:04 a.m. // Friday, September 21, 2001
"Yes. What are you doing? Leave that alone." He was about ready to yank the boy away, when suddenly he smiled. "Wait a minute.... he wouldn't have known about..." He pulled backed the bed clothes and shoved the top mattress over about two feet. "Yes." There was a slit in the bottom mattress and he reached his hand in.
the demon llama spoke
09:03 a.m. // Friday, September 21, 2001
Kristof shook and dropped Alexi's wrist, stepping away from him in fright. "Hai. That's Master," he tried not to look at the picture, and instead looked at the torn curtains on the bed. "This was your room when you were younger then?" he asked, tears falling from his cheeks. He tried to straighten the torn curtains, but it wasn't working. His fingers shook when he did it.
/I don't want Master to kill you... I like you... you're the only one who hasn't touched me without hurting me.../
the demon llama spoke
09:02 a.m. // Friday, September 21, 2001
"It's mine to destroy! This is my room." He pointed at the wall, at a painting of a hunting scene. A man and a dead doe. "She should be there." He noticed something strange about the painting then, stepped closer. "It's him! That fucking bastard."
the demon llama spoke
09:02 a.m. // Friday, September 21, 2001
Kristof stood, shaking at the doorway. Despite his terrible memories, he ran inside the room, feeling the cold aura of the man in front of him. He came to his side, grabbing him by the wrist, pulling him from the bed. "Stop! Stop! Don't destroy these things!" he was nearly in tears. "Who's gone? What's the matter? What do you not see here?" The room looked exactly the same as it had when he first came in and the anger of the other confused him. Tears prickled his eyes. Alexi was so angry and hurt, and Kristof didn't know what to do. It was the kind of anger that would normally make Kristof run and hide, yet there was such a desperate sadness along with it. Something that he never felt with his Master's anger.
the demon llama spoke
09:00 a.m. // Friday, September 21, 2001
"It's gone. She's gone." He turned around in the room. Most of the furniture was the same. He yanked open the wardrobe. Her dresses were gone. Lots of men's clothing. All black. Leathers and velvets. He punched the wardrobe door, cracking it at the hinge. He went to the otherside of the bed where her trunk should be. It was gone as well. He lashed out, tearing a curtain from the elaborately draped bed. "Bastard! She was an angel more beautiful than anything. What have you done with her?"
the demon llama spoke
08:59 a.m. // Friday, September 21, 2001
Kristof stood at the edge of the doorway, shaking in rememberance of his first time there. He remembered it well. He fell from reality.
"Down on your knees, child!" The deep voice roared as the edge of a leather whip cracked down on his frail body and he fell to his knees gasping. The abrasion on his back bled through the thin cotton blouse, and he shuddered. "Onegai! Onegai, don't kill me!" He cried. The man with high laced black boots too fell to his knees, and lifted the child's chin to meet his dark violet gaze. "Hm, you're a pretty one. I think you will be my last. Then I will forever rein! So precious, your pale skin! I will make you as I will be! You will never die!" He kissed him then, sharply, his teeth digging painfully into his fresh tongue.
***
Tears filled in Kristof's eyes as he broke from his reverie with Alexi's voice. He shook and stared into the room he dared not enter. "Is... Is something wrong Alexi-san?"
/Killed? Did Alexi hate his father so much that he would have killed him? But no... Master was made a Darkangel... that is not possible to have been killed... is it?/
the demon llama spoke
08:56 a.m. // Friday, September 21, 2001
"Rebirth? You talk crazily. And I do not need to escape this place, I have done so already." He stepped into the room, eyes flying to where his mother's portrait had hung--but it wasn't there. "Bastard... if I had not killed you three days ago, I'd have to kill you now. Where is it?"
the demon llama spoke
08:55 a.m. // Friday, September 21, 2001
Kristof shook his head quickly, fear in his eyes. "Why is it that all of you... all of humans deny his rebirth?" he sighed and crossed his arms. "Alexi? Why do you want to escape this place so badly?" He watched Alexi advance to the room that the stranger called his. He watched him unlock it, and swallowed hard remembering one of the first times that his Master had abused him, within these very walls.
the demon llama spoke
08:54 a.m. // Friday, September 21, 2001
"You owe him nothing, least of all faithfulness. And I told you already, he's not going to kill me. He's dead, I saw to it myself."
the demon llama spoke
08:52 a.m. // Friday, September 21, 2001
The child jerked his elbow back, but gently so that he didn't offend the other. "Iie! I mean... I can't leave! Don't you know? I'm forever faithful to my Master.... your father... protects this place. He was the one to find me and take me in. I can't ever escape. He'd probably kill you for even trying such a thing!" And as much as wanting to leave the immense, cold mansion, Kristof did not wish it against anyone's life.
the demon llama spoke
08:51 a.m. // Friday, September 21, 2001
He stood and took the boy by his elbow. "Right... when I leave this place, you will leave with me." He drew the boy back into the hall.
the demon llama spoke
08:51 a.m. // Friday, September 21, 2001
Kristof scratched his elbow, innocently, gazing up at him. "I don't have any other clothes to wear..." There were satin robes and cotton under garments, and silk scarfs in his Master's main room. He thought of him fondly, remembering how beautiful he was in those clothing. Even when his Master hit him, he'd still admire him so.
the demon llama spoke
08:50 a.m. // Friday, September 21, 2001
"I stayed, no... I was trapped here with him. I was too young to leave." He picked up the keys, looking at the boy again. "Why aren't you dressed more warmly?"
the demon llama spoke
08:48 a.m. // Friday, September 21, 2001
He blushed and pulled away from the touch. Kristof wasn't used to such a kind gesture from a human. No human had ever touched him kindly before. He looked up at the other. "I... I don't understand... why did you touch me?" Did he not see the wing? His tattered clothing and bruised body? Kristof looked up at him in wonder, wrapping his arms around his cold body. His Master had always told him how no human would want to touch him or even look at him, for he was so frail and unattractive.
He nodded to the confused part, though at first he thought that maybe Alexi had understood. He was always taught to agree in the presence of a superior, that which this man was.
"So when Master was... living, he stayed here with you, in this same palace?" He followed him to the desk and watched Alexi open the first drawer where a ring of keys lay, among many other dusty items.
the demon llama spoke
08:46 a.m. // Friday, September 21, 2001
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